Losing Her All Over Again
by StarCrossdSparrow
Summary: Veronica finds out that Lianne is dead. S2 spoilers. LoVe, Wallace, and lots of KeRonica moments.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything. And I promise, once I'm done playing with them, I'll put them back.  
__Chapter 1/6_

**XxXxXxX**

"**Telling Veronica"**

The sheet of paper slid from her fingers and floated to the floor. It seemed to defy gravity, it traveled so slowly. But, Veronica didn't notice.

The words floated in front her eyes that had since filled with tears. As they spilled unchecked down her cheeks, blurring her vision, all she could see was TIME OF DEATH: 12:42 AMas it had been typewritten in cruel, institutional Courier New.

Death? How could that be? Inside, a storm raged. But, on the outside, she was still. The only movement were those damn tears coursing down her face. So silent but so fierce, they already dripped onto her collar. Finally, she let go and sagged against the island. Her bag slid to the floor with a dull thump.

_Inconceivable_, she thought. A memory of a movie she used to watch with her mom darted across her mind. _The Princess Bride._

That simple memory caused the collapse. It pressed her slight form into the floor. Crushed her down. Down. She pounded the wooden floor. Searched for the letter. Wailed.

Backup trotted out from the back of the apartment at that moment, and drawn by his mistress's cries, he proceeded to nuzzle her and lay sloppy kisses across her salty-stained face. She grabbed hold of him with both arms and held him while she sobbed. He sat obediently, as though waiting for her to tell him what was wrong.

And she did. "Mom is gone!"

**XxXxXxX**


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything. And I promise, once I'm done playing with them, I'll put them back._

_Chapter 2/6_

**XxXxXxX**

"**Telling Keith"**

"Lucy, I'm home," Keith crowed in a bad Desi Arnaz into the apartment, tossing the bag of take-out sandwiches onto the cluttered island. The room was dark. He puzzled at why Veronica hadn't turned on any lights. He knew she was there. He saw her car in the lot and her bag was on the floor.

And, instantly, he knew something was wrong. Veronica never left her bag on the floor. Or any type of clutter anywhere. She was meticulously neat to the point of compulsion. Without even shrugging out of his coat, he sprinted to her bedroom.

His daughter laid sprawled across her bed, staring fixedly at the ceiling fan. With a sigh of relief, he sagged against the door frame. She was present and accounted for. And unhurt. At least physically. "Honey?" he ventured when she didn't look at him.

Still, no movement. He approached her. He could see that she was breathing. He also saw the shiny tracks on her over-pink cheeks. And her red-rimmed eyes. And her blank blue stare.

"Veronica, honey?" he asked again, laying a hand on her arm and sinking down on the edge of the mattress. His weight sent a little ripple through the bed and carried his daughter to the crest of an artificial wave. He gritted his teeth when she didn't look at him. He shook her, "Answer me." Even to his own ears, he was starting to sound panicky.

And, finally, she did. Her voice was dull and flat. And so quiet, he barely heard her. "It's mom."

Keith let go a breath he hadn't even been aware he'd been holding. Lianne. What had she done now? Trying to edit the irritation from his voice for Veronica's sake, he asked, "What is it?

She swallowed hard and turned to face him. Her eyes welled up instantly and she let go one horrible choked sob. Keith bent to gather her to him, rocking her gently on the insanely rolling water mattress. He silently cursed his snap decision to buy the damned thing. "It's okay," he murmured into her hair.

Of course "it" wasn't okay. He didn't even know what "it" was, but he knew damn well that "it" was _not_ okay. But, he had the most important person in the world in his arms and nothing could be more horrible than losing that. So, he could wait until she was ready.

After a few long minutes of miserable half-sobs and clutching arms, she relented and pulled back. Upon seeing her face, he was transported back to the moment she'd seen her best friend's lifeless body next to the Kane's pool. Keith knew that "it" was going to be life-changing.

And it was. "Mom is gone."

They stayed like that for a long time. It could have been minutes or hours as far as either was concerned. Numb. Silent. Still. Occasionally crying, often hugging, never speaking.

Veronica's phone broke the silence. It trilled into the empty kitchen, the ring bouncing off of the hardwood floor and metal appliances.

They pulled apart. "Why would they send a letter?"

Keith shrugged. As a former public servant and current private investigator, he knew the answer. A bureaucratic paper trail. Last known address. Relatives. Release the damn body and get it off our hands, we want to go to lunch, thanks very much. But, he couldn't reduce his estranged wife and the mother of his child to that. And, besides, Veronica knew that answer too.

"Not even a phone call. How do I... we... go and..." she trailed off and sniffed back her tears, physically steeling herself. Keith's heart broke. No one so young should have to know this much pain, nor should she ever have the experience necessary to ask questions about how to collect the remains. But, she was his doing.

"We'll drive to Gila Bend tomorrow. I know someone from the Maricopa Sheriff's Department. I'll arrange for everything."

"Tomorrow?" she asked. Keith fully expected her to balk. All-go, no-questions, let's-kick- ass- now-and-take-names-later Veronica Mars. She'd demand to leave this instant. But, instead, she just nodded wearily and reaffirmed, "Tomorrow."

Keith gathered her close once more, hugging her tightly to him. He bit back the tears that threatened. He felt her body wrack against his chest, but she made no sound.

Later, over a cold submarine sandwich that Keith couldn't even taste and the sound of the kitchen clock's second hand, it dawned on him.

Lianna Mars was really gone.

**XxXxXxX**


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything. And I promise, once I'm done playing with them, I'll put them back. Additionally, I'm not a doctor, so whatever medical mumbo jumbo I use below is purely from Google._

_Chapter 3/6_

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"**Reality"**

There is nothing in the world to prepare someone for the sight of someone they love in a cold mortuary freezer. Especially if that someone hasn't seen their loved one for an extended period of time.

The mixture of Nevada and fifty grand hadn't been good to Lianna Mars. She was thinner than either Veronica or Keith remembered, her cheeks hollow and her wrists slight. Of course, the harsh wash of fluorescent light over her blue-tinged, frozen corpse didn't help matters. Veronica choked back bile when she thought of lifting her mother's lids to see her eyes.

She turned away, burying her face in Keith's jacket collar. He smelled like the aftershave Alicia had given him for Christmas and the cinnamon air freshener tree that dangled from the rearview mirror of his generic little Toyota. He smelled alive. She sobbed silently, hating herself for crying again. She hadn't stopped since yesterday.

Keith glanced down to his weeping child, the sound leaving him feeling even more bereft than the sight of his wife on a pull-out tray in front of him. He nodded to the medical examiner's assistant, verifying that it was indeed Lianne on that bed of sterile, stainless steel.

The young woman slid the tray back into its little freezer cubby and engaged the clasp. Keith stared at the lock. It reminded him of the pull of his mother's refrigerator from the sixties. He was appalled at the thought of Veronica's mother trapped inside that freezer. The irony nearly choked him.

They were led out of the cellar into a bland office. A black and white photograph on the wall above a gray filing cabinet showed a small girl with her hand in an elderly woman's. A grandmother with her granddaughter. Veronica wept silently.

The assistant rejoined them. Keith remembered that her name was Tiff. Not Tiffany. Just Tiff. Like the fight, he supposed. As he pondered all possible meanings of her name, he realized that she had been talking.

"-and Dr. Michaelchick thinks that the cause of death was a lethal combination of methadone and levomepromazine, which is used to treat agitated depression as well as pain. However, we could not find any medical records for Mrs. Mars that could indicate that she was treated for either heroin abuse or depression. So, that raises more questions than answers, I'm afraid."

Veronica stared back at the small brunette, letting her words and their implications wash over her. Keith responded for the both of them, "When can we arrange for her to be cremated?"

Veronica started and looked at her father. He hadn't mentioned cremation until now. But, she stayed silent while Tiff flipped through the file. "As soon as you fill out the paperwork. The doctor hasn't requisitioned an autopsy, and unless you'd like one..." she trailed off with a shrug, clearly suggesting that an autopsy wasn't necessary.

Keith nodded and looked at his daughter. Veronica nodded wearily in response.

Tiff slid the file across the desk to them and stood. She was about to round the desk, presumably to find the appropriate release forms when she laid her hand on Veronica's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I found my own mother dead in my bathtub when I was eight. I'm..." the girl paused to suck in a breath. "I'm sorry."

Veronica didn't respond, but then, Tiff hadn't expected her to.

As soon as Keith scrawled his signature across the bottom of the form that would allow for the remains to be sent to them in Neptune, Veronica added hers as a witness, they both acknowledged the fact that neither of them would ever see Lianne Mars again.

**XxXxXxX**


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything. And I promise, once I'm done playing with them, I'll put them back._

_Chapter 4/6_

**XxXxXxX**

"**Telling Logan"**

At home, Veronica showered and dressed in her oldest pajamas. The pink flannel bottoms were so washed out and thin that Keith had tried to throw them away on more than one occasion. But, Veronica always managed to save them from the trash. She passed on his offer of Chinese, opting for a few slices of white American, a handful of green olives and a glass of diet orange soda.

Keith was worried, of course. She needed to eat something more substantial. But, he knew that to say so would only cause a fight. He'd wait until tomorrow to start harping on her. However, he did point out one thing that she'd neglected. "You haven't told anyone yet."

She sat up from her place on the couch and stared at him. She looked as though he'd just told Timothy McVeigh where they kept the matches and dynamite. He raised his hands in protest before adding, "Not that you have to. But, I've heard your phone buzzing nonstop. You're going to have to face them sooner or later."

She sighed and settled back into the cushions. She opened her mouth to respond, but was cut short by a hard rap at the door. Keith looked pointedly at her and rose to get the door.

Logan stood on the other side, his eyes wild and his hair disheveled like he'd been running his hands through it too much. "Where is she? Is she okay?" he asked, breathless. "I've been calling..." Keith stopped him and stepped back to show Veronica sitting on the couch.

When he made to come in, Keith put his hand on the doorjamb. "She's not..." he began, but was interrupted as Veronica joined him at the door.

She laid her hand on her dad's forearm. "You're right." Keith eased up and let Logan enter.

"I'll just be..." he gestured to his bedroom door. Veronica nodded and Keith left them alone in the living room.

Logan looked between his girlfriend and the door where Keith had just disappeared, worry replaced with confusion. "Please, Veronica, tell me what's going on," he pleaded.

She padded barefoot back to the couch and folded herself up on it, her knees to her chin. Logan started to pace.

"Please sit," she asked, finally breaking the silence.

He sat down on the edge of the armchair, frantically searching her face for answers, but coming up empty. "Please..." he began.

"My mother's dead."

Logan looked at his girlfriend agog. Of all the news he'd been waiting for, for all the worrying and searching he'd done since she hadn't returned his twelfth call, that came as a shock. A horrified "What?" was all he could muster.

"She, uh, she overdosed or something," she choked out. Her resolve was crumbling and Logan sank to the floor on his knees and pulled her close before he saw a tear fall. He held her, speechless, but full of questions. He just waited for her to talk.

The story tumbled out between protracted periods of gasping and crying. Logan sat quietly waiting for Veronica to fill in her own gaps. He wouldn't interrupt with his thoughts or questions. He just let the story happen while he stroked her arm, her fingers, her palm. And she cried. Horrible, body-wracking crying.

When she finally fell quiet, she laid her forehead against his. Her eyes were closed and her nose was stuffy, so she had to breath through her mouth in short little gasps. "And the worst part is," she whispered, "I don't feel as bad as I should."

Logan rocked back slightly, breaking contact and looking up into her eyes. They were watery blue, rimmed with red. Violently sad. "What do you mean? How are you supposed to feel?"

She settled back into the couch cushions and Logan joined her, still holding her hands in his.

She closed her eyes and kept them shut for a long time. He was beginning to think that she would not answer when she replied softly, "I'm not as upset as I should be."

As Logan opened his mouth to speak, she opened her eyes and stayed him with her hand. "It's crazy, but I don't. She's my mom, you know. But, more than anything, I'm just glad it's not my dad." She let go a little gasp before continuing. "It sounds terrible when I say it aloud. I loved her, I did. I do."

"Of course you do. There's no threshold for how much grief you're supposed to feel," Logan offered quietly.

Veronica nodded. "I know. But, it justs feels wrong. It feels cold."

Logan was unsure of how to answer, so he stayed silent. Veronica continued. "It's just that I was so angry with her, you know? She left me twice. The first time, I thought it was because she was protecting me and I forgave her. I thought that all I had to do was fix it and find out who killed Lilly and everything would be okay. But, the second time..." she trailed off and looked down at her fingers twined with his. "You understand, right?"

"I do. I loved my mom more than I loved anyone. She might have been the only person I ever really loved until you," he paused and cleared his throat before adding, "But, part of me felt betrayed."

Veronica nodded and laid her head on his shoulder. He gathered her close, unused to consoling her, but glad that he could. "Are you having a funeral?" he asked.

"No," came her small reply.

"Is there anything I can do for you right now?"

"Stay."

He nodded and held her tighter.

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**_A/N: Okay, really guys? Over 1000 hits and only one review? Is it really that bad?_**


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything. And I promise, once I'm done playing with them, I'll put them back. I also don't own _This is Your Life.

_Chapter 5/6_

**XxXxXxX**

"**Telling Wallace"**

"If I hear anything creep past my door in the middle of the night, I'll shoot first and ask questions when the dust settles. You got that?" Keith asked as he handed Logan a blanket and pillow.

"Of course, sir," he replied honestly.

"Good night then. And Logan?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks for worrying about her," Keith added before dropping a kiss on his daughter's forehead and heading for his bedroom.

Veronica lifted herself on her tiptoes and kissed Logan over his burden. "Good night. And, Back Up will be out here to protect you," she said with a small smile.

"Comforting," he replied, shooting a leery look at the drooling pit bull. "I'm sure this will be a swell slumber party."

Veronica left him and returned to her own room, pulling the door shut behind her. She retrieved her cell from its charger and scrolled down to her best friend. With a deep breath, she pressed send and hoped that he would be asleep.

"'Lo? Veronica?" came Wallace's sleep thick voice after three rings.

"Did I wake you?"

"Yeah, but it's okay. I been worried about you. I was going to come looking tomorrow morning. What's been up? Hot case that requires some Fennell finessing?"

"Wallace..." Veronica started. She took a breath, steadying herself one last time before spilling the news. She hadn't wanted to tell him over the phone, but she just had to tell him before he heard it from someone else. She knew that there was no such thing as a secret in Neptune and that no piece of gossip would go un-spread. So, she bit the bullet, "My mom died of a drug overdose."

There was a long beat as her friend let the information hit him. "Oh my God, Veronica. Are you okay? Where are you? I'm coming over right now. Are you home?" She could hear him scrambling out of bed and opening a door.

"No, Wallace, wait up. We'll talk tomorrow. I just had to tell you before you heard from someone else. I'm okay."

"Are you sure? Because it's no problem."

"I know. I just needed to tell you. Come over after class tomorrow, okay?"

"If you're sure..." he went on, sounding completely unconvinced. His concern hit her hard and made her eyes well up once more. She bit them back and nodded, oblivious to the fact the he could not see her.

"I am. Tomorrow, okay?"

"I'll be there. Take care of you, V."

She nodded and disconnected, feeling at once relieved and pained. She sunk down into her bed and clicked off the bedside lamp. She passed out at once, and didn't wake up until she smelled bacon frying the next morning.

She struggled out her dreamless sleep, feeling like she'd been run over by a Mack truck. The clock told her that morning had actually come and gone and it was already past noon. A glance in the mirror showed that her hair was too glossy and flat from two skipped showers. Her eyes were swollen and felt tender when she rubbed them. Even her muscles felt used and gelatinous, though she hadn't really done anything physical to cause it.

Shrugging off her appearance, she pulled a worn Balboa County WORKS! sweatshirt over her tee shirt and flannel pants and opened the door. She immediately regretted it. From her vantage point at the end of the hallway, she could see that the tiny kitchen/living room closely resembled a green room from _This is Your Life_. And she was the unwitting guest. She saw Wallace, Mrs. Fennell, Mac, Cliff, Logan, and her dad busily carrying plates and cups to and fro.

She was about to duck back into her room when Wallace spotted her and walked to greet her. He pulled her wordlessly into a bear hug. Forgetting her worry over her dishabille, she held him tightly and murmured, "Thank you."

He pulled away and studied her, "You're my best friend. No thanks are necessary."

"I mean for telling them. I assume it was you."

Wallace studied her intently and nodded. "I called Mac and told my mom, obviously. Your dad told Cliff."

Veronica nodded and glanced down at her outfit and shrugged once more. "Breakfast can't wait while I shower, huh?"

"It's lunch, really, but who's counting?" Wallace prodded gently. When Veronica smiled at him, her let go a sigh of relief. He'd been worried about what state she'd be in.

"So, how're you..." he began.

"Like I said before. It's the one who stays," she shrugged and pressed on, "It's not that I don't love her. It's just..." she trailed off with another shrug and Wallace nodded his understanding.

He tilted his head toward the kitchen. "Shall we?"

"Bacon waits for no one."

**XxXxXxX**

**_A/N: I guess begging for reviews actually works! And to my anonymous reviewer Nikola: Thanks so much!_**


	6. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything. And I promise, once I'm done playing with them, I'll put them back._

_Chapter 6/6_

**XxXxXxX**

"**Unasked Questions"**

As soon as Veronica finally shooed a reluctant Logan towards his car with a kiss and promise to call later, she pushed the door to the apartment shut and sank against it. Keith was busy straightening up the living room and kitchen a little too vigorously.

She took a seat at the island, picking up the last remaining fudge brownie that Mac brought from home. She ate it while she watched her dad load the sink with dishes. "I'll get them later," she offered.

He turned and gave her a grateful grin before sitting down opposite her and swiping a piece of her brownie. "I was hoping you'd say that."

Veronica smiled and finished the confection before looking back at her dad. "Thanks for today."

Keith nodded. "We needed it."

They sat in companionable silence for a moment. Veronica spun the lazy Susan on the island and Keith flicked a pen idly into the air. Nervous energy buzzed around them, even though they were both physically and mentally exhausted.

"She's gone forever," Veronica said softly.

"I know, honey. I know," came his answer. He reached across and stilled her small hand with his own larger one.

Veronica looked up and met his eyes. "But, it's not like that piece of paper with her time of..." she paused and took a breath, "That didn't finalize it for me. Neither did seeing her. I think I lost her forever the moment I took a drink of her bottle of water from the fridge last year."

Silence fell between them for a moment before Keith spoke. "I used to think I drove her away from us. And then I blamed Jake Kane. And Celeste. But it was never any of that really," he paused and looked at his daughter, "She loved you, you know that. I don't want you to forget it. But, she was scared and nothing we ever could have done would have fixed that."

Veronica grasped her father's hand in her own and held it tight. "I know," she whispered.

**XxXxXxX**

The End


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